Failed Plans...Sad...

I was supposed to go shopping at KL....I was supposed to go clubbing at Gotham......but I ended up having dinner at Orchard.....sigh....

Minah had a planned to go KL yesterday night, shop and then come back today. We had decided to bunk with her aunt's family who were there. But the hotel they were staying in, didn't allow us to put two extra beds into the rooms. So we thought of getting a room for ourselves but then the prices were way too expensive....sigh....We tried calling other hotels but we didn't managed to get any rooms at a reasonable price...sigh.....So we had to cancel plans.

Minah decided to overnight at my place. Then we thought of going to Gotham to check it out. But we were not certained whether it would be good today. If the club turns out to be boring,the first time u go there, u might not wanna go there again so Plan No 2 was also cancelled.

In the end we decided to go makan. We had dinner at 'Village' at Heerens. The food was goooood!! I like!! I'll definitely going there again! :)

We turned camera-crazy, starting to take pics from the bus ride itself....haha! I was actually surprised at Minah when she took a lot of pics. It was soo not her....haha...Just look at the number of pics I took...Minah took much more than me! Haha!



I'm waiting for Minah to finish her meeting at school. Going to JB.

I'm getting hungry and she still hasn't called!! Argh!!

I'm gonna watch some TV! Damn!

Big Momma's back!

Big Momma's back! Finally!! Now I can start fighting with her and get irritated by her constant nagging.....life has gone back to normal! :)

This time, she didn't get me the Vikram's full size poster, lots of halwa and palgova that I asked for....humph! But she did get me some nice punjabi suits and i picked 2 sarees from the pile of sarees she bought..I'll be contended with that. :)

Ganesha said that he'll give me the halwa he bought! Yes! I love HALWA!!!

I know this is a luxury but I got myself a new handphone!!! Its Maroon, its slim and its so feminine! Its me!

:)

jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...

The Christmas mood is here!!! :) Had so much fun today! Had our Division's Year End Party and I'm tired from all that laughing, screaming and clapping! Haha!! It was really fun! Lucky thing I did not leave early as planned.

And I got my 5-year long service award during the party. Damn....5 years at MOE....so fast....I seemed like I just joined yesterday....sigh.....time flies.....

It was a gift shower in the office. We had our own Christmas Gift Exchange for those in the Poting Team, wrapped up some last minute gifts for the higher management and those from other depts, played Santa Claus distributing gift.....

My gifts for 2006:

DIY Curtain from Adeline. She knows I love to DIY and she got me this. I know its colourful but its kinda cute! Gonna do it and hang up in my room!!

This is from Mrs Goh! She always gets me this kind of nice smelling stuff! She knows I love it!

My collection of other gifts-The big orange pouch was from Kok Kwang. Its supposed to be travel carrier. Good for holding toiletries. Serene got me a shopping voucher from Tangs! Ah, I love her! Peiying gave me a towel, wrapped up like a cake. I almost thought it was a real cake! The 'Seat Taken' thing is actually a tissue holder, from Chew Teng. Useful for chopping places at coffee shops! Haha! Doreen gave me that small green compact mirror. Its so vintage and nice! Liying gave me that small notebook. Hwee Choon gave me that puppy sock. I'm gonna put my MP3 player in it. And Ah Cheng gave that small red handphone accessory. It looks so lovely!

But the best gift would be what I got in the Christmas Gift Exchange. I got a Light Up Cushion from Maggie. Its so soft and lovely but the irony, its in pink....but wat the hell, I love it! Its so nice to hug. I'm still contemplating whether I should leave it at home or at the office.

Oh ya, during lunch we went to this shop at Anchorpoint and I bought this new addtion to my office deco:

Cute hor! Hehehehehe!!!

Ok, Ok, I know...photos overload....finally last but not least:

Me with the so-called Christmas tree in my office!


:)I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

Super Piggy!

I had the worse of all pig-outs!

I had fishball mee at 6.30 pm, followed by a pizza, garlic bread and spicy drumlets at 7.45 pm!

Damn!!

I better start to watch what and how I eat! I don't know where all the fats are going to!!

Rainy Days R Here To Stay...

I haven't been able to blog recently and I have no idea why. I would wanna blog and I would log on, click on 'Create a new post' and then....blank.....nothing.....my mind goes blank and I don't know what to type.....damn.....

Today my mind is not blank. :)

Rain rain rain rain....no rain you complain, everyday rain you complain.....sigh...I like the rain. I kinda get pissed when I got to go out in the rain but then the atmosphere is cool and nice and smell of rain is lovely....I like.. :) But I hate it when I fall sick because of this. Been having flu and fever and have only started recovering now.

Just finished wrapping all my Christmas gifts and I feel so happy! I just love Christmas! The joy of giving gifts and receiving them....ah...so nice! :)

Been spending money alot lately. Had a couple of rounds of shopping. A lot of new clothes, shoes, bags....sigh....and I'll be collecting my new handphone in few days. I should be feeling guilty that I'm spending so much money but I'm not and this is bad....*winks*

I gotto to go to bed now or else I won't be able to wake up on time tomorrow. :)

PS: I don't why but I'm much more happier now! Seriously, I feel so light and happy! I'm enjoying my life!!! :):):)

Habi's hooked, now its left with me and Vanitha, I think she's next..

3 straight weeks of clubbing makes me sooooo sick of it! And I have Minah to thank for that....damn.....The next time she tries to coax into going clubbing with her, I'm gonna have my stand and say no if I don't feel like it. Damn, and at the end of it, she pissed me off bad! Argh!

I'm pretty impressed with those who club every week. U guys are good. I can't never be like that.

Life's been good. I've been taking a lot of time for myself. Went for pampering spa treat on Wednesday at Batam. Can't wait to go again in Feb. It was super shiok and the amount I paid was even more shiok! Cheap cheap, dirt cheap! :) If anyone of u want more details, just ask. I tell u, its worth your money! :)

And I finally took a big step and rebonded my hair. Finally! I have manageable hair and I love it! I looks better than the last time I did it 5 years ago. YES!!!!

At Takashimaya with my freshly rebonded hair; don't mind the greasy face!


Me and my Mudpie at NYDC. I love it! And don't mind the dark eye circles!


Vanitha and I attended Habibah's wedding on Sunday. Both of us almost cried during the ceremony. Friend getting married mah...hehe..I still we were silly trying to hold back the tears...hehe....


Now its left with me and Vanitha...damn....I have this love-hate relationship with wedding now.Damn....I love my saree......wat do u think?....I'm having some kind of saree maddness now. I bought another new one that day and I can't wait for the lots of sarees that I told my mum to get me....Hahaha....I'm 'evil'!

Mum's in India, my ex-maid left for Sri Lanka yesterday, Ganesha left for India yesterday, Minah's leaving for Perth on Thursday....ARGH!!!!!!

Big Momma's left.... :(

Big Momma left for India yesterday. I know its wierd but I miss her....sigh.....We are never on good terms but everytime she leaves the country, I get depressed.....sigh......I'm gonna be sooooo bored till she comes back which is around Christmas time.

I'll look forward to the goodies she's gonna bring back from India...hehe...more sarees! :)

My 2nd cousin bro won't be a bachelor when he comes back from India. Why are so many people getting married....sigh.....this doesn't help in anyway.....I still have another 4 years to find a hottie I can settle down with....damn...that seems soooo short......argh!

I've been feeling like a whole new person nowadays. I don't know what changed me but I feel lighter and happier overall even though the sad bug does bite me at times, which irritates me.

I realised that I made too many compromises in the past. And I really don't want to make the same mistakes again.

Can u believe its Dec already? The year is going to end in another 31 days....damn...that's fast. Hopefully the new year is better. But I know I'll be less bored then with school and tuition.

My first picture after I had my chicken pox. I guess I'm beginning to look better than I used to. And I kinda like this picture. Don't u think it looks sweet? :)

Still Ms Scarface

I had a good weekend. Kavi and I celebrated Minah's birthday on Saturday at her place. Then we headed to Ashoka. I clubbed after a long time and I enjoyed it!

I had a good time! I danced, laughed, saw some people making a complete full out of themselves, saw singer Tippu up close and personal and even got tricked into getting to know a cute guy!

Saturday ended good!

:)

I actually took some pictures but I decided not to post them. I'm still Ms Scarface. I hope these scars would go away soon.....

:)

Everybody who walks past me or sees me has to comment on me losing more weight....sigh....its not that I don't wanna put on weight.....the weight doesn't want to put on me......u see...its not me.....

Sigh....

Anyway both my tuition kids have passed their PSLE! One of them even went into Express! I'm so happy. Finally something to be happy about. I'm so proud of them!

Ket is happy for once.....

Just like tat.....so easy.....I wonder how....

I wonder sometimes whether I'm ok or not. Sometimes I feel so light and sometimes I feel so heavy...my heart that is....

Its interesting on how fast he moved on. After everything we've been through and how much I've done for him, it really surprises me. Less than a month and you are already seeing someone.

I like what he said: "My life is no longer in my hands, its in another girl's hands." He was able to accept another girl into his life so fast, just like that.........

Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by letting him go when he wanted a break-up. Maybe I should have been selfish and made him stay with me even though I know he wouldn't be happy.

But I thought about him and let him go. What am I supposed to do? My family is such........I really thought he would miss me and come back. I didn't except him to settle so comfortably into his life and start a new one......Surprising....

I wonder how long its gonna take before I get back to normal........bear with me........

Ket was down wit chicken pox and is now up again!

Was I missed? :)

Ket was down with chicken pox since 27 Oct and finally came back to work today. :)

My first chicken pox.......15 days of nothing but sleep and TV was good. Yes, it was boring abit but I took it as a good rest. I'm gonna miss sleeping 18 hours straight.....damn.....i'm gonna miss it.

These few days at home made me think.....think a lot....more that I normally do.....and I'm more at peace now.

I love myself :)

:)

HELP ME!!

Why.....Why.....Why.....

Why did this happen? I wish I had an answer for everything....for all the questions that keep appearing in my thoughts........

How could u do this to me after everything that we've gone through....after everything I've done for you.....after everything I've told you......

You knew very well that i had no one besides you........you knew very well how much I adored you.......you knew very well what I've been through in my life...........

You meant the world to me.......you were my everything........All I wanted was you to love me..........all I wanted was a simple life with you, only you........

I was loyal........I was faithful.......I was patient.......I was there whenever you needed me........why aren't you here when I need you?

In what way were you not satisfied with me or with what I did all these while?

What did you see in her that you didn't see in me?

Its not my fault my family's like that. I didn't chose them nor can I ditch them........

Why weren't you happy with what you had like I was?

You have your flaws...they didn't matter to me.....Why did my flaws matter to you?

The thought of that bitch being with Kumar is driving me nuts!!

He's MY 'husband', He's MY 'son', Its MY 'house', Its MY 'car', Its MY 'bike'...........Its MY 'life'.....
How can it belong to her!!!!!!! Its not hers, she did not build it! I built it with MY love, MY blood and MY sweat !!

My heart aches so much, I'm afraid it might stop beating..........

My head aches so much, I'm afraid it might just explode...........

I'm going crazy!!!

Selamat Hari Raya...

I went to the Jurong East Library just now, during lunch to return my books. While I was walking towards it, I saw this Tiger Boy entering it. I was like "Tiger Boy at Library....funny.....this would be the last place to see his kind roam around at". So me being a bit curious, followed him inside. I didn't have the need to go inside you see, I could just use the book-drop. But I had to follow him inside......

I somehow managed to follow him to the 3rd floor without creating any suspicion. I was just so curious on why he came to the library. Then I saw it. He walked to 3 Indian girls in their school uniforms. One of the girl's face lit up. The words, 'My marvellous boyfriend is here!' was flashing across her forehead. Ahhh, my question was answered. Now I know why Tiger Boy was here. To pick up his 'girlfriend'......With a satisfied smile, I walked out of the library, deposited my books in the book-drop and headed back to office. Mission accomplished! *Pats back*

The past two days was well-spent. I watched 'The Prestige' on Monday. I love that movie! Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale are just so juicy.........I almost melted in my seat! Sigh! I must see again!

Hari Raya was another pig out session. Lunch at Habibah's and dinner at Aminah's.

Vanitha and I went to Habibah's open house coz it would her last Hari Raya at her place. She's getting married in Dec. I'm happy that she's happy. She was pretty upset during her engagement as it was an arranged marriage and she didn't have a chance to meet the groom physically till the engagement. But now she's look very happy and I'm glad. :)


Dinner at Aminah's place was good. Her mother's cooking is great! I still drool, thinking about her mee hoon.....super spicy and super hot! Shiok!! And I like the way I look yesterday! With my plait falling infront...hehe...I should plait my hair and let it fall in front more...looks nice...hehe.....


You know, I'm slowly losing my respect for men....Most of the guys I know have been in the bad light recently. They turn out to be either jerks or assholes. I know, guys are gonna argue that girls are bitches. Look, there are equal number of jerks and bitches around. So no point arguing which gender has more. We rant about men, you rant about women, period. Stop trying to prove that women are more ungrateful and unfaithful. Its irritaing!!

Came back to work after going on leave on Thursday and I have sooooo many things to clear.....sigh.....I think I better not take any leave till the end of the month. Then start again in Nov.....*evil grin*

Ok, ok, I better get back to work....

Deepavali finish already...

Deepavali came, Deepavali went........just like that.......Its didn't even seem like Deepavali this year....sigh.....Its like the spirit of Deepavali is not there. I really miss the Deepavalis I had when I was very much younger.......

It was a lonely Deepavali for me, very lonely....sigh.....It was just me visiting alone, as my mum was working and bro was sick....sigh.....I was depressed in the morning but the feeling went off after a while, once I was surrounded by people. I should not be left alone but I like loneliness....

I just went to 2 houses this year...like no mood.....But I did eat like a pig...That was the shiok part! I pigged out like mad. I started the day with 2 plain thosais and 1 egg thosai at Indra auntie's place and ended it with 20 pieces of fried chicken wings at my Periyama's place...I'm not joking...serious, 20 pieces. I kept count...hehe....I want some more.....

I don't normally watch the Deepavali variety on the eve coz it would be the same crap every year. But this year, I watched it coz of Gurmit Singh. He was funny, as always. :) But after the show, I was confused by one thing.

Vs have shows like Dhil Dhil Manadhil that says that our Indian youths are losing their morales, that the media is leading our youths astray. And then I see the way 'Chikki Mukki Neruppae' is taken, I'm like....huh......u contradicting yourself leh...

Ok, fine. You want to make a song look sexy and sensual, then choose the good-looking ones, not those you had! Wah lau, look at the faces that danced for this song, except for Shabir, nothing else was worth looking at!!! Cannot tahan!

....Sometimes I wonder why my life has turned out this way.....family, love, life......

Dreams not come true, I better stop dreaming......

HAPPY DEEPAVALI AND SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO EVERYONE!

Just Another Bastard....

I know I look like crap in this pic but I still like it! Took this 2 Sundays ago. And yes, that's my bro with his 3 tattoos....

15 and he's already got a tattoo.

Wonder what he would do when he's 20...sigh....

My bro's no longer staying at home. He's in a Boys' hostel now. He'll be in there from Mondays to Fridays and be back home for the weekend. I really wonder what's going on his mind......he's on his route to self-destruction...hopefully he comes to his senses soon.....

So officially, my mum is the only one in my household who doesn't have a tattoo. She'll never be able to get a tattoo. She cannot tahan pain one....

Attended my first lesson yesterday....it was better than I expected. And as always, I had to join the group that was the noisiest but the most fun-loving one..hehe...birds of the same kind flock together.....hehe.....There are 5 of us and the other 4 know each other pretty well so I do feel awkward at times but I know i'll blend in soon. Have another class on Thursday. I'll be meeting another group of students coz its another module....hopefully good one also....

After my first day, in just less than 3 hours, I've already created my hate-list in class.

-There's another Indian gal in the class. She looks Malay and she has this constipated look on her face. The one that every Indian girl, who thinks she's Aishwarya Rai, has, which they have to give to fellow Indian girls. I know you are mixed so.....U got extra horn is it?

- There's an Indian guy who I think has his balls stuck in his throat. U'll think likewise too if you start to hear him talking and u can really tell that he's trying to act cool and smart. He's over doing it and I'm not impressed coz I can clearly see that you are trying to impress. Sorry I don't go for blokes.....I would really like to tell him to see a doctor regarding his stucks balls......But he might think I'm trying to strike a conversation with him...sigh.....

I've been trying to channel my sadness into anger......its better that way.....He's such a bastard and I still can't believe he did it to me after everything I've done....Damn, it hurts...

Its gonna be sooooooo difficult to trust another guy.......

And I've been in a freaking bad mood and its gonna be like that for another few days.....my tattoo's starting to peel and I can't scratch it.........KNNB!!!!!

Me, Myself And I

I hate when people misunderstand me...especially those who have known me for soo many years......i wonder what they have learnt about me after being with me for so long...

Ganesha thinks I'm on a self-destruction mode after Kumar left me just because I had a tattoo done and went clubbing last Saturday. He thinks I'm like those girls who start to drink, smoke, club frequently and sleep around once their boyfriend has cheated on them!! Wah lau, I almost wanted to slap him when I saw his email!

I'm kinda disappointed at him also. He has been my very good guy friend who I've been able to trust and talk to, for the past 4 years. And to think that he misunderstood me, really hurts. Argh! I'm impressed on how his attitude has changed after I told me I got a tattoo.

He was like, "make sure what you are doing now doesn't work against you or haunts you in the future." I got pissed and I sent him a super long email. I know I sounded a bit harsh in that email but I'm happy that I gave him a piece of my mind. I guess that I forgot that he's an Indian man after all and I can't accept him to be any different.

I'm clear about one thing. This is who I am and what I am. I've always been like that and I'll do what I like coz I know I'm doing the right thing.

After Kumar ditched me, I realised that I've been too nice and naive, trusting people and believing in the good of them. Now I know how the world is and I've told myself not to be a fool anymore.

I know that Indian men can never digest the fact of an Indian girl having a tattoo. To them-you have a tattoo, you're a tramp, slut or anything except wife material. Whatever la. If nobody wants to marry me because of my tattoo, its ok. I'm happy alone. :)

I'm still the same person with those traditional and conservative values I've always had. I've just changed my attitude a bit.

"Man-I don't have to change anything in myself for you. I know how to behave and I tell u, I behave much better than many girls out there. I don't have to give in to you unless I think there's a need to. I don't have to apologise unless i'm at fault. I am who I am and if you can't accept me the way I am, then too bad. Your loss, not mine."

I like myself better now! :)

"CCK Punnai"

I wonder if those who have been sending smses to Vasantham Central during the Miss Vasantham show got brains.......

Since Vasantham Star till now, only 20% of the smses sent in is about the shows and their contestants, the remaining 90% is plain rubbish....

-I don't understand why you can't call yr wife, mother, father, uncle, husband, auntie, cousin, friend or whoever and wish them on their birthdays, anniversaries and what not. Calling them is much more cheaper. And what's with wishing 1 yr old kids? You mean, they can read the sms sent???

-Do you have to let the whole of Singapore know that you and your partner broke up? Trying to look pathtic? What you gonna get from it? If you want to let them know that you still love them and will wait for them, call them or sms them. Its much cheaper and you save the embrassment of being looked at as pathetic.

-If you think that someone you met at a club is cute, the next time you see them, go up to them and ask for their number. If you got no guts, then keep quiet. Don't send in sms like "Hey Minsara Kanna, why didn't u come to raaga yesterday. Think you are cute. " I would like to remind you that there are millions of guys out here who proclaim themselves as Minsara Kanna. Just pluck up the courage to approach him when you see him. If cannot, then stop wasting your money.

-I don't get it on how you nickname people. Tiger Bala, Yishun Sara Boy, Singapore Sneha Sumathi.....so what will I be called-CCK Punnai, Katte Kethrine....hmmm......

-Yes, I know you love yr bf, gf, husband, wife, mistress, one night stand very much but please keep all the mushy dialogues among yourself. You need not broadcast it to Singapore. You calling each other Kutti Girl, Rasathi, Chellam Boy, Darling Purushan, Wonderful wife is something personal, don't make it public. Here's one that really caught my attention on Sunday:

"My darling wife (forgot the name), I love u da chellam! U look so damn good and sexy yesterday. Can't take my eyes off u. Miss u so much! U are 1 sexy, hot babe! "

You mean, you want the whole of Singapore to know you are horny...........

I really like those who are brave enough to 'tekcan' the show with smses like "Ppl, pls sms abt the show and not abt yr personal life.", "This is a Tamil show! To the host-pls make an effort to talk in Tamil!", "Dear dancers, please cover yourself more, this is a family show!"

Remember la, each sms is $2. You can buy a plate of chicken rice with that money.

I still can't believe it....

Before I start on today's blog, I just wanna thank everyone who has been saying such nice things to me to cheer me up and make me feel better. Thank you all. I really appreciate your love. I don't think so I could be the way I am without you people. Thanks everyone!

And yes, I'm on my route to feeling better. Actually I did something that made me feel really really really gooooood......

Its been more than a day since I did and I still can't believe that I did it.....I got a tattoo!! Finally!!

I had been wanting to get one since I was 18. My then boyfriend didn't let me and Kumar didn't either and now that I am single and I have nobody to stop me, I got one and I LOVE IT!! I looks so good, oh boy....I can't keep my eyes of it!! Its near my hip bone on the right. And yes, it was painful but it depends on individual. I'm pretty impressed that I didn't even make any noise while it was getting done but the pain was there....

Now I don't look so boring when I'm naked.....hehe.....but the thing is I'm the only one who sees me naked so its still a bit boring but better than nothing. Now the next man who comes into my life has to accept me and my tattoos...hehe...Man, I feel damn sexy now....oooo......and I have to thank Avril and Minie for it....*Muacks*

You guys know me, I'm not the 'lian' or 'anjadi' type but I'm into body art. Its pretty when its minimal, too much of it, is ugly. I like 'peek-a-boo' tattoos. The kind that can see but also cannot see...hehe.....this is my first and I have a funny feeling there's more to come...hehe....

Here are the pics. *Courtesy of Avril

Me, before it started, trying to hide my nervousness....


The tattoo on paper....


The tattoo on me as a stencil....


And so it begins....


I clutched the pillow thinking that it was going to hurt bad but the pain was bearable after a while but I still didn't let go of the pillow....hehe.....


Trying to forget about the pain and the noise of the needle....


She's still at it....


Phew, it was finally over in 10 mins....


I love this babe!!!


Tuminie, Me and Aril while at Pasta Cafe.....don't I look a bit tired.....exhausted after the tattoo session...hehe


And finally, the masterpiece (took this when i got back)


Now I've got to hide this tattoo from my family. I wonder how they would react if they knew I got a tattoo....hehe.....But I think I can't hide it from them for long.....not when I'm thinking of getting more....hehehe.....

If you ask me to describe getting a tattoo in one word: SHIOK!

Charlie Loves Avril

Boy, the haze is killing me......its super hot and my eyes are super irritated and wearing my lens doesn't make it any better. I wish I could collect my specs earlier....damn...

My buddy Avril finally tied the note yesterday! I'm so happy for her! So lucky, getting married on her birthday somemore. Oh, I'm so happy for her. She really had this glow on her face and she was looking gorgeous! Congratulations Sayang!

And I was one of the jiemeis. I had to wake up early to go to her place in the morning to 'bully' the groom...hehe....Marina was having a ball of her time bullying the groom la......I really pity him. He hates sour stuff and we made him drink super sour lime juice and one of his brothers drank the vodka chilli padi created by Avril. He also had to show us his underwear....hehehe.....


In the end we got some hongbaos from the groom and Avril's mother. :)

Her solemnization ceremony was in the evening, at Fort Canning. Wow, it was romantic. Very nice. And as usual, the couple were glowing together. They looked so good together. Ahh...they love each other. So sweet...


I turned up in a cheongsam. The same one I wore for Racial Harmony Day. Lucky thing, my colleague was nice enough to lend it to me. It was nice meeting Hairun and Guowei after a long time. I had a good time yesterday and I'm so happy for Avril.

*More pictures in Flickr

But the shitty thing was-everyone at my table had brought along their partners except for me....shit...that depressed me.....Shit.....Argh.......

I'm still trying to get used to being single. I know I can adjust to it. My school is starting next week and I'm still preparing for it, mentally and physically.....I'm scared.....

:)

I've got my new PC at home, set up!!!!!!!!

Me so happy!!!!!!!!!!

:)

*Life isn't about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself*

I like what Leamathi gave me for my birthday..... A candle-holder with words that I really like. Guess she was trying to cheer me up. It did. :)

Ganesha also got me something. A nice magnet with nice words. I tried to take a pic of it but it was very blur. But it was something sweet too.

It was really very sweet of them. :)

My weekend was busy. Cleaned up my room and shifted the furniture around so that I could have some space for a study table. Went to IKEA on Saturday to get me a study table and a smaller computer table. Got them and fixed them with some help from Alvin.

My room does look a bit smaller now, not that it was any bigger before but it does look a bit cramped now. This is what happens when HDB keeps building smaller flats....sigh.....But what the heck, as long I have space to move around, I'm happy.

Went to Courts yesterday and bought a new computer. Its coming in this Thursday. I've been bored to dead without a pc at home.....

I'm all set for school. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. Wish me luck people....Did I mention that Pei Ying managed to convince me to get this ultra-big bag for school which cost me 28 bucks....argh....Everytime I look at that bag, I wonder why I bought it but I like it coz its big.

I calculated my expenses for the past 3 months and I realised that I've spent too much money on alot of things, including those extra clothes and bags that I bought, which I shouldn't have......sigh......I'll just comfort myself saying that I'm spending some money on myself after a long long time.....this is just to make myself feel better since my life isn't very rosy now.....

I really got to stop buying things....the hole in my pocket is getting bigger....sigh...

I'm Free!

Thank you all for wishing me on my birthday!

You guys need not worry about me anymore. I've made a decision yesterday that I'm not gonna fret about what happened. I'm single and I've come to accept it. Life has to go on and I know I can get over this. Just need to put my mind to other things :)

My 24th birthday was nice. Very simple. A nice temple visit in the morning, lots of cartoons in the afternoon and a nice seafood dinner at night with my mum, my uncle and his cute son...I love that fellow. He kept hugging me and 'sayanging' me....I simply love him. And my uncle bought me a Spiderman cake. I like it....So small and cute....hehe.....It was tasty and yes, it was chocolate :)




Once again guys, thanks! Thanks for your love! Love u all! :) I'm gonna be the same old Kethrine :)

...............

I'll be turning 24 in about...say......another 6 hours or so.........

Sigh...........

I'm single.....definitely single.........He's not coming back.........he's definitely not coming back.........

Its so difficult to sink in..........

I'm lost........

I don't know what to do............

Why........

Simply Pathetic....

I cried in the train on my way to work today. Shit, tat was so embarassing.....Lucky thing I was at the last cabin and there wasn't much people around since it was in the afternoon......Shit....

I just couldn't control my tears thinking about things and I thought getting myself a new MP3 player would make me feel better.....how wrong....Argh

My life hasn't been a smooth ride. I had a big share of bumps and crashes here and there....and my love life is pathetic.....simply pathetic....

My real love was with me for a month or so...Ok maybe not my real love but my first real boyfriend. First guy to bring me out and spend money on me which I tot was nice. And he was 5 years older than me and he seemed so matured, nice and u know.....Then about a month and a half later, he told me that his ex-girlfriend wanted to patch back and he left me.....I was suicidal.....really very very bad.....Sigh.....I just cldn't get over it till I meant Osman-my other real love that destroyed my life.....

Osman-I think our relationship lasted 5 years because of his persistance. He believed that our parents would eventually agree to our relationship: He being Indian Muslim and me being Indian. I had asked for a break up a million times and he refused every time. But I was still trying to end everything till the 4th year. Entering the 5th year, I tot that this was it and I'm fated to be with him and since he was so persistance, then I'll change my mind and see what we can do to convince our parents to agree to our relationship.

Then came an opportunity. A real good one. I wasn't prepared but I decided that I'm gonna just go ahead and let my parents know, no matter what happens. But when I told him that news, he was shocked. "This is too fast."he said. I was like "Huh, isn't this what u wanted? Now we have a solid reason to get married, why don't we just let our parents' know?" He wasn't very sure.

I remember that day very clearly. I was sitting in the hall with my parents. I msged him, "I'm gonna tell my parents now." His reply:"Fine, go ahead but you have to face the consequences." I was like 'WTF!". I wanted to hear this: "Ok, go ahead. I'm gonna be with you whatever happens and we'll face it together." I msged him that same thing again and i got the same reply again.

That was it. He cheated me. He wanted to marry me but when he had the opportunity he didn't use it. Fucker!! He cheated me!! The next day, I took matters into my own hands and soon everything was over within 2 months. But he couldn't accept that truth that I was leaving. He still hung around me. Till he saw me and Kumar together under my block.

Kumar-I was cheated a second time round. I thought this was it. I thought I was gonna end up with guy, no matter what small flaws he has. He's perfect for me and I want him around my arms till the day I die. I fell head over heels in love with him and am now trying my best to repair my broken heart.....This is just so difficult.....And I still can't believe this is happening to me....My mistake was loving him too much.....Shit......

2 men I trusted with my whole heart cheated me........One had moved on and the other will too.....but will I?

Got cheated twice, got my heart broken twice...do I want it to happen a third time??

Loneliness is torture....

New York nagaram urangum neram thanimai adarthathe.......thanimai thanimaiye, kodumai kodumaiye.....

Its not Variamuthu's lyrics, its not A R Rehman's music, its not the way the song is picturised and its not Surya's acting......

Its A R Rehman's voice that makes this song purely magic.......He's the man....

10 more days to my 24th birthday. My first birthday as a singleton after a long time....no special gift to look forward, no flowers......

How do u forget someone that was a part of you? How do u forget a relationship you believed in so much? How do u forget everything that happened for the past 2.5 years? Where do u bury these memories?

Every night, I think about him and us. Its like a movie that keeps repeating. The same vision every single night. The day we met, our conversations that started everything, our first date, the day he asked me to his special one, the first place we went to as a couple, our first dance, the say he stood up for me, the times we spent together, the places we went to, the words we said we said to each other, our fights, our make-ups, our first house, our first 'baby'......My first real life.....

2.5 years of dreams just turned into a nightmare......

He broke my heart into a million pieces.....I have to find them and piece everything together.

Oh boy, where do I start looking?

Muttons in the morning...I love them!!!

Training day at Changi Beach yesterday was a killer. Super shagged.....still feeling tired.....But I had fun, lots of it :)

I got a ride to work this morning....From Justin Ang of The Muttons in the Morning from 987!!! Hehehehehehe!!!! I sent an sms yesterday morning and I received a call from them telling me that they will be riding me to work this morning!!! Cool rite....hehe....

The ride to work this morning was cool! Justin Ang was very friendly and it was fun talking to him. He buy me MacDonald breakfast!!! Yum Yum!! :)

Me so happy this morning :):)

Its so difficult to sink in.....

Sometimes I wonder why I am being so stupid......so stupid to believe that things would still work out when its clearly written right into of me that things are not going work out......

I wish I could change my mind and be normal with a snap of a finger but I can't.......It doesn't work that way. I still have to go through the process of sleepless nights filled with tears, sudden flow of tears on the train, that sick feeling of depression and the reality that this is happening to me....sigh.....Interestingly, I'm not suicidal.....funny....

Maybe deep down inside, I'm still believing that things are going to be alrite.....How stupid can I be.....but I still can't throw away that feeling......

I thought things would work out well when Kumar agreed to give another shot at things on Thursday. I was maybe this is a chance to prove to him that its just going to be me and him and my family is not going to a problem.....

But......when things are over, things are really over.....We didn't get a chance to meet, maybe he was just trying to avoid meeting me. Finally I waited for him outside his place with a cake coz it was Kenny's birthday yesterday. He came....I went in....He went to take a shower and that's when I saw it.....

He removed my picture and a picture of us from his mirror and the cross-stitch of a couple, which I did for him, with our names on it was not on the TV.....

I couldn't stay anymore...I had to leave. I waited for him to come out of this bath...I told him I'm leaving and I left....

He moved on...I have to move on.....

He called me to ask why I left and I told him. He said the same things again....."If your family change, then things would work out"....My family is not going for me or are they interested in my life, so its not going to work. I told him that I would not disturb him anymore and I hung up....

I received an sms from him this morning:

"Im very sorry. I know tat I hurt u alot..I cannot find a way to make u hate me..Just think im a bastard..I got no choice..I cannot repay u for wat u have done in my life..I can only remove the photos..But ur thought is always in my mind.."

The reply that I will never send:

"You had a choice and you chose to leave me....for something that is never my fault....You'll never know how much you meant to me, how much I loved you and how much u've hurt me...."

I still wish that he would call, apologise and say that he'll never leave me forever......

How stupid am I......

Inky Pinky Ponky

I watched 'The Devil Wears Prada' yesterday. I really don't know what the hype was about but it was just another 'feel-good' movie but with a good choice of wardrobe which I kinda liked. But I can never work under a boss like that, not even for a day.......bitch.....

And how sad it maybe but we really are judged by what we wear and how we project ourselves. This happens everywhere.....How sad....

Avril had asked me to be her 'Jiemei' for her wedding...haha...Indian 'jiemei' at a Chinese wedding......cute hor....hehehe....and now I'm the emcee also......a bit wierd but she want....so anything for her......I was ok with it until she dropped the bombshell......

I had to wear something pink......PINK!!! I was like "WTF!" I don't wear pink! Pink is not even a colour to be considered to be part of my wardrobe........but I had to do it....for her......And so I met up wit her and Minie and another 2 jiemeis to get something pink.I bought my first pink top in I-don't-know how many years. I can't even remember my last pink outfit......but anyho I like it! It does look nice on me but that does not mean I'm going to invest in more pink tops, just one or two. Tat's it.

We 3 bitches had lunch at Cedele at Wheelock Place. The pasta I took was hot...really hot....Avril was like, "You r an Indian and you can't take hot!" I'm a wierdo! :) Then we shopped for my pink top. Avril and Minie just shoved into the changing room and just gave me stuff to try out. Reminded me about the time Peiying and I bought our boss Serene for shopping. I'll blog about this another time.



5 of us trying to squeeze into picture!


We then headed to Far East Plaza.I bought undies! Hehe...I'm like collecting cute undies....Anybody know where else they sell cute cute ones....hehehe...I'm gonna use all my old undies till the end of the year and then wear new undies from next year onwards...hehehe....

The other one of the jiemei, Ah Hui also had to get something pink so we were walking and walking around and I got tired...hehehe....shopping always make me tired....While she was trying on clothes at a shop, we got bored and were taking wierd shots of each other. She got the halter neck dress which looked nice on her. I'm kinda getting excited thinking about Avril's wedding. Haha, me first time being a jiemei. I don't know how to be jiemei...hehehe.....

Kissy Kissy...


*Pictures Courtesy of Avril, Thank you darling :)

Single once more

Singlehood was one word I thought I would never think about...... And now when I think about being single again....it hurts.....

Everything I wanted, everything I dreamed about, everything I planned disappeared just like that.....But as stupid as I can be, a part of me is still telling me that he will come back, call me and apologise and everything will go back to normal....I know....Stupid wishful thinking.......My mind is clearly aware about this but my heart's not listening....

I know its going to be difficult. I'm gonna take a long time to recover...a really long long time.....

I really can't believe all these is happening. All the things I've done for him....I've done a lot. I know that. I've done more things for him than for my family. My stupid mistake was loving him soo much. I was stupid rite....for believing, for trusting, for dreaming, for wanting, for planning.....

I had this really nice heart to heart conversation with my dad the other day. I really love him for that.....

This is going to be my last depressing post. I'm not going to talk about this anymore.....

And So It Ends Here......

A lot of things have happened these few weeks. My exercise ended yesterday. So has all the misery of working overtime and meeting ugly parents. Misery it may be, but I still enjoy what I'm doing.

Just when I thought that all misery had ended, I had to pushed into another one.

My relationship with Kumar has ended. It has been a week since we split. And I finally let go of any feelings that he would return yesterday night. Its interesting how life works. When you think that your path is set, something happens and your destination changes. Seriously, I never thought this would happen to me, but it did happen to me.....

I don't know who to blame, who to be angry at, who to curse, who to trust....but I have learned a lot of things from what happened.

I know I'm not gonna get over this soon. It's gonna take a long time and its going to be so difficult but I know I can get through this.

I really wanna a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who sent me alot of encouraging words to cheer me up. I really owe you guys a lot for your concerns. Thanks everyone! :)

Tony Romas Dinner was good...

When I wanna blog, I don't have the time. When I have the time to blog, my mind goes blank and I can't blog....

Met up with Avril and Tuminie some time last week and we went for dinner at Tony Romas. Me first visit there. Ok experience, just that I felt pretty wasted that we only had half of what we paid for. We 3 girls ordered enough food to fill the tummies of 5 guys.

I guess we were very hungry when we ordered the food but the hunger just disappeared halfway thru. I had the Crispy Chicken Sandwich which I think was pretty ok, but the fries were quite salty. Overall, the food was nice. I liked it there. Might go again another time but order lesser. :)

Here's a ugly picture of me trying to take a bite from the super-sized sandwich:
Tumine, Me and Avril...Love Love.....
My life isn't really great now. There are so many things that I wanna talk about, but the words aren't coming out right.

Kumar and I are having a very rough patch now and its been going on for a month. Things aren't going well and I'm worried. I'm still waiting for Kumar's reply and this indecisiveness is killing me. And its not even my fault!!!!!!

I want everything to go back to normal! I hate what's going on now!

I want a simpler life......

If only things were simpler....

Look at this:
My first promotion ceremony pic and I looked elsewhere and not at the cameraman.....argh...

I've for to wait for another 5 years or so to get promoted and take a picture like this.....argh.....

Sigh....

The P1 registration is almost coming to an end. I just have to wait for the manual posting to be over and after that,I'm gonna clear my leave and my time-off and only work 4/3 days a week. I badly need to de-stress....

Most importantly, I need to colour my hair. It looks so dead now! I'm still thinking of what colour to highlight my hair....any suggestions?? :)

A lot have been happening around me and sometimes I wish my life was much more simpler....