Simply Pathetic....

I cried in the train on my way to work today. Shit, tat was so embarassing.....Lucky thing I was at the last cabin and there wasn't much people around since it was in the afternoon......Shit....

I just couldn't control my tears thinking about things and I thought getting myself a new MP3 player would make me feel better.....how wrong....Argh

My life hasn't been a smooth ride. I had a big share of bumps and crashes here and there....and my love life is pathetic.....simply pathetic....

My real love was with me for a month or so...Ok maybe not my real love but my first real boyfriend. First guy to bring me out and spend money on me which I tot was nice. And he was 5 years older than me and he seemed so matured, nice and u know.....Then about a month and a half later, he told me that his ex-girlfriend wanted to patch back and he left me.....I was suicidal.....really very very bad.....Sigh.....I just cldn't get over it till I meant Osman-my other real love that destroyed my life.....

Osman-I think our relationship lasted 5 years because of his persistance. He believed that our parents would eventually agree to our relationship: He being Indian Muslim and me being Indian. I had asked for a break up a million times and he refused every time. But I was still trying to end everything till the 4th year. Entering the 5th year, I tot that this was it and I'm fated to be with him and since he was so persistance, then I'll change my mind and see what we can do to convince our parents to agree to our relationship.

Then came an opportunity. A real good one. I wasn't prepared but I decided that I'm gonna just go ahead and let my parents know, no matter what happens. But when I told him that news, he was shocked. "This is too fast."he said. I was like "Huh, isn't this what u wanted? Now we have a solid reason to get married, why don't we just let our parents' know?" He wasn't very sure.

I remember that day very clearly. I was sitting in the hall with my parents. I msged him, "I'm gonna tell my parents now." His reply:"Fine, go ahead but you have to face the consequences." I was like 'WTF!". I wanted to hear this: "Ok, go ahead. I'm gonna be with you whatever happens and we'll face it together." I msged him that same thing again and i got the same reply again.

That was it. He cheated me. He wanted to marry me but when he had the opportunity he didn't use it. Fucker!! He cheated me!! The next day, I took matters into my own hands and soon everything was over within 2 months. But he couldn't accept that truth that I was leaving. He still hung around me. Till he saw me and Kumar together under my block.

Kumar-I was cheated a second time round. I thought this was it. I thought I was gonna end up with guy, no matter what small flaws he has. He's perfect for me and I want him around my arms till the day I die. I fell head over heels in love with him and am now trying my best to repair my broken heart.....This is just so difficult.....And I still can't believe this is happening to me....My mistake was loving him too much.....Shit......

2 men I trusted with my whole heart cheated me........One had moved on and the other will too.....but will I?

Got cheated twice, got my heart broken twice...do I want it to happen a third time??