HELP ME!!

Why.....Why.....Why.....

Why did this happen? I wish I had an answer for everything....for all the questions that keep appearing in my thoughts........

How could u do this to me after everything that we've gone through....after everything I've done for you.....after everything I've told you......

You knew very well that i had no one besides you........you knew very well how much I adored you.......you knew very well what I've been through in my life...........

You meant the world to me.......you were my everything........All I wanted was you to love me..........all I wanted was a simple life with you, only you........

I was loyal........I was faithful.......I was patient.......I was there whenever you needed me........why aren't you here when I need you?

In what way were you not satisfied with me or with what I did all these while?

What did you see in her that you didn't see in me?

Its not my fault my family's like that. I didn't chose them nor can I ditch them........

Why weren't you happy with what you had like I was?

You have your flaws...they didn't matter to me.....Why did my flaws matter to you?

The thought of that bitch being with Kumar is driving me nuts!!

He's MY 'husband', He's MY 'son', Its MY 'house', Its MY 'car', Its MY 'bike'...........Its MY 'life'.....
How can it belong to her!!!!!!! Its not hers, she did not build it! I built it with MY love, MY blood and MY sweat !!

My heart aches so much, I'm afraid it might stop beating..........

My head aches so much, I'm afraid it might just explode...........

I'm going crazy!!!

Selamat Hari Raya...

I went to the Jurong East Library just now, during lunch to return my books. While I was walking towards it, I saw this Tiger Boy entering it. I was like "Tiger Boy at Library....funny.....this would be the last place to see his kind roam around at". So me being a bit curious, followed him inside. I didn't have the need to go inside you see, I could just use the book-drop. But I had to follow him inside......

I somehow managed to follow him to the 3rd floor without creating any suspicion. I was just so curious on why he came to the library. Then I saw it. He walked to 3 Indian girls in their school uniforms. One of the girl's face lit up. The words, 'My marvellous boyfriend is here!' was flashing across her forehead. Ahhh, my question was answered. Now I know why Tiger Boy was here. To pick up his 'girlfriend'......With a satisfied smile, I walked out of the library, deposited my books in the book-drop and headed back to office. Mission accomplished! *Pats back*

The past two days was well-spent. I watched 'The Prestige' on Monday. I love that movie! Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale are just so juicy.........I almost melted in my seat! Sigh! I must see again!

Hari Raya was another pig out session. Lunch at Habibah's and dinner at Aminah's.

Vanitha and I went to Habibah's open house coz it would her last Hari Raya at her place. She's getting married in Dec. I'm happy that she's happy. She was pretty upset during her engagement as it was an arranged marriage and she didn't have a chance to meet the groom physically till the engagement. But now she's look very happy and I'm glad. :)


Dinner at Aminah's place was good. Her mother's cooking is great! I still drool, thinking about her mee hoon.....super spicy and super hot! Shiok!! And I like the way I look yesterday! With my plait falling infront...hehe...I should plait my hair and let it fall in front more...looks nice...hehe.....


You know, I'm slowly losing my respect for men....Most of the guys I know have been in the bad light recently. They turn out to be either jerks or assholes. I know, guys are gonna argue that girls are bitches. Look, there are equal number of jerks and bitches around. So no point arguing which gender has more. We rant about men, you rant about women, period. Stop trying to prove that women are more ungrateful and unfaithful. Its irritaing!!

Came back to work after going on leave on Thursday and I have sooooo many things to clear.....sigh.....I think I better not take any leave till the end of the month. Then start again in Nov.....*evil grin*

Ok, ok, I better get back to work....

Deepavali finish already...

Deepavali came, Deepavali went........just like that.......Its didn't even seem like Deepavali this year....sigh.....Its like the spirit of Deepavali is not there. I really miss the Deepavalis I had when I was very much younger.......

It was a lonely Deepavali for me, very lonely....sigh.....It was just me visiting alone, as my mum was working and bro was sick....sigh.....I was depressed in the morning but the feeling went off after a while, once I was surrounded by people. I should not be left alone but I like loneliness....

I just went to 2 houses this year...like no mood.....But I did eat like a pig...That was the shiok part! I pigged out like mad. I started the day with 2 plain thosais and 1 egg thosai at Indra auntie's place and ended it with 20 pieces of fried chicken wings at my Periyama's place...I'm not joking...serious, 20 pieces. I kept count...hehe....I want some more.....

I don't normally watch the Deepavali variety on the eve coz it would be the same crap every year. But this year, I watched it coz of Gurmit Singh. He was funny, as always. :) But after the show, I was confused by one thing.

Vs have shows like Dhil Dhil Manadhil that says that our Indian youths are losing their morales, that the media is leading our youths astray. And then I see the way 'Chikki Mukki Neruppae' is taken, I'm like....huh......u contradicting yourself leh...

Ok, fine. You want to make a song look sexy and sensual, then choose the good-looking ones, not those you had! Wah lau, look at the faces that danced for this song, except for Shabir, nothing else was worth looking at!!! Cannot tahan!

....Sometimes I wonder why my life has turned out this way.....family, love, life......

Dreams not come true, I better stop dreaming......

HAPPY DEEPAVALI AND SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO EVERYONE!

Just Another Bastard....

I know I look like crap in this pic but I still like it! Took this 2 Sundays ago. And yes, that's my bro with his 3 tattoos....

15 and he's already got a tattoo.

Wonder what he would do when he's 20...sigh....

My bro's no longer staying at home. He's in a Boys' hostel now. He'll be in there from Mondays to Fridays and be back home for the weekend. I really wonder what's going on his mind......he's on his route to self-destruction...hopefully he comes to his senses soon.....

So officially, my mum is the only one in my household who doesn't have a tattoo. She'll never be able to get a tattoo. She cannot tahan pain one....

Attended my first lesson yesterday....it was better than I expected. And as always, I had to join the group that was the noisiest but the most fun-loving one..hehe...birds of the same kind flock together.....hehe.....There are 5 of us and the other 4 know each other pretty well so I do feel awkward at times but I know i'll blend in soon. Have another class on Thursday. I'll be meeting another group of students coz its another module....hopefully good one also....

After my first day, in just less than 3 hours, I've already created my hate-list in class.

-There's another Indian gal in the class. She looks Malay and she has this constipated look on her face. The one that every Indian girl, who thinks she's Aishwarya Rai, has, which they have to give to fellow Indian girls. I know you are mixed so.....U got extra horn is it?

- There's an Indian guy who I think has his balls stuck in his throat. U'll think likewise too if you start to hear him talking and u can really tell that he's trying to act cool and smart. He's over doing it and I'm not impressed coz I can clearly see that you are trying to impress. Sorry I don't go for blokes.....I would really like to tell him to see a doctor regarding his stucks balls......But he might think I'm trying to strike a conversation with him...sigh.....

I've been trying to channel my sadness into anger......its better that way.....He's such a bastard and I still can't believe he did it to me after everything I've done....Damn, it hurts...

Its gonna be sooooooo difficult to trust another guy.......

And I've been in a freaking bad mood and its gonna be like that for another few days.....my tattoo's starting to peel and I can't scratch it.........KNNB!!!!!

Me, Myself And I

I hate when people misunderstand me...especially those who have known me for soo many years......i wonder what they have learnt about me after being with me for so long...

Ganesha thinks I'm on a self-destruction mode after Kumar left me just because I had a tattoo done and went clubbing last Saturday. He thinks I'm like those girls who start to drink, smoke, club frequently and sleep around once their boyfriend has cheated on them!! Wah lau, I almost wanted to slap him when I saw his email!

I'm kinda disappointed at him also. He has been my very good guy friend who I've been able to trust and talk to, for the past 4 years. And to think that he misunderstood me, really hurts. Argh! I'm impressed on how his attitude has changed after I told me I got a tattoo.

He was like, "make sure what you are doing now doesn't work against you or haunts you in the future." I got pissed and I sent him a super long email. I know I sounded a bit harsh in that email but I'm happy that I gave him a piece of my mind. I guess that I forgot that he's an Indian man after all and I can't accept him to be any different.

I'm clear about one thing. This is who I am and what I am. I've always been like that and I'll do what I like coz I know I'm doing the right thing.

After Kumar ditched me, I realised that I've been too nice and naive, trusting people and believing in the good of them. Now I know how the world is and I've told myself not to be a fool anymore.

I know that Indian men can never digest the fact of an Indian girl having a tattoo. To them-you have a tattoo, you're a tramp, slut or anything except wife material. Whatever la. If nobody wants to marry me because of my tattoo, its ok. I'm happy alone. :)

I'm still the same person with those traditional and conservative values I've always had. I've just changed my attitude a bit.

"Man-I don't have to change anything in myself for you. I know how to behave and I tell u, I behave much better than many girls out there. I don't have to give in to you unless I think there's a need to. I don't have to apologise unless i'm at fault. I am who I am and if you can't accept me the way I am, then too bad. Your loss, not mine."

I like myself better now! :)

"CCK Punnai"

I wonder if those who have been sending smses to Vasantham Central during the Miss Vasantham show got brains.......

Since Vasantham Star till now, only 20% of the smses sent in is about the shows and their contestants, the remaining 90% is plain rubbish....

-I don't understand why you can't call yr wife, mother, father, uncle, husband, auntie, cousin, friend or whoever and wish them on their birthdays, anniversaries and what not. Calling them is much more cheaper. And what's with wishing 1 yr old kids? You mean, they can read the sms sent???

-Do you have to let the whole of Singapore know that you and your partner broke up? Trying to look pathtic? What you gonna get from it? If you want to let them know that you still love them and will wait for them, call them or sms them. Its much cheaper and you save the embrassment of being looked at as pathetic.

-If you think that someone you met at a club is cute, the next time you see them, go up to them and ask for their number. If you got no guts, then keep quiet. Don't send in sms like "Hey Minsara Kanna, why didn't u come to raaga yesterday. Think you are cute. " I would like to remind you that there are millions of guys out here who proclaim themselves as Minsara Kanna. Just pluck up the courage to approach him when you see him. If cannot, then stop wasting your money.

-I don't get it on how you nickname people. Tiger Bala, Yishun Sara Boy, Singapore Sneha Sumathi.....so what will I be called-CCK Punnai, Katte Kethrine....hmmm......

-Yes, I know you love yr bf, gf, husband, wife, mistress, one night stand very much but please keep all the mushy dialogues among yourself. You need not broadcast it to Singapore. You calling each other Kutti Girl, Rasathi, Chellam Boy, Darling Purushan, Wonderful wife is something personal, don't make it public. Here's one that really caught my attention on Sunday:

"My darling wife (forgot the name), I love u da chellam! U look so damn good and sexy yesterday. Can't take my eyes off u. Miss u so much! U are 1 sexy, hot babe! "

You mean, you want the whole of Singapore to know you are horny...........

I really like those who are brave enough to 'tekcan' the show with smses like "Ppl, pls sms abt the show and not abt yr personal life.", "This is a Tamil show! To the host-pls make an effort to talk in Tamil!", "Dear dancers, please cover yourself more, this is a family show!"

Remember la, each sms is $2. You can buy a plate of chicken rice with that money.

I still can't believe it....

Before I start on today's blog, I just wanna thank everyone who has been saying such nice things to me to cheer me up and make me feel better. Thank you all. I really appreciate your love. I don't think so I could be the way I am without you people. Thanks everyone!

And yes, I'm on my route to feeling better. Actually I did something that made me feel really really really gooooood......

Its been more than a day since I did and I still can't believe that I did it.....I got a tattoo!! Finally!!

I had been wanting to get one since I was 18. My then boyfriend didn't let me and Kumar didn't either and now that I am single and I have nobody to stop me, I got one and I LOVE IT!! I looks so good, oh boy....I can't keep my eyes of it!! Its near my hip bone on the right. And yes, it was painful but it depends on individual. I'm pretty impressed that I didn't even make any noise while it was getting done but the pain was there....

Now I don't look so boring when I'm naked.....hehe.....but the thing is I'm the only one who sees me naked so its still a bit boring but better than nothing. Now the next man who comes into my life has to accept me and my tattoos...hehe...Man, I feel damn sexy now....oooo......and I have to thank Avril and Minie for it....*Muacks*

You guys know me, I'm not the 'lian' or 'anjadi' type but I'm into body art. Its pretty when its minimal, too much of it, is ugly. I like 'peek-a-boo' tattoos. The kind that can see but also cannot see...hehe.....this is my first and I have a funny feeling there's more to come...hehe....

Here are the pics. *Courtesy of Avril

Me, before it started, trying to hide my nervousness....


The tattoo on paper....


The tattoo on me as a stencil....


And so it begins....


I clutched the pillow thinking that it was going to hurt bad but the pain was bearable after a while but I still didn't let go of the pillow....hehe.....


Trying to forget about the pain and the noise of the needle....


She's still at it....


Phew, it was finally over in 10 mins....


I love this babe!!!


Tuminie, Me and Aril while at Pasta Cafe.....don't I look a bit tired.....exhausted after the tattoo session...hehe


And finally, the masterpiece (took this when i got back)


Now I've got to hide this tattoo from my family. I wonder how they would react if they knew I got a tattoo....hehe.....But I think I can't hide it from them for long.....not when I'm thinking of getting more....hehehe.....

If you ask me to describe getting a tattoo in one word: SHIOK!

Charlie Loves Avril

Boy, the haze is killing me......its super hot and my eyes are super irritated and wearing my lens doesn't make it any better. I wish I could collect my specs earlier....damn...

My buddy Avril finally tied the note yesterday! I'm so happy for her! So lucky, getting married on her birthday somemore. Oh, I'm so happy for her. She really had this glow on her face and she was looking gorgeous! Congratulations Sayang!

And I was one of the jiemeis. I had to wake up early to go to her place in the morning to 'bully' the groom...hehe....Marina was having a ball of her time bullying the groom la......I really pity him. He hates sour stuff and we made him drink super sour lime juice and one of his brothers drank the vodka chilli padi created by Avril. He also had to show us his underwear....hehehe.....


In the end we got some hongbaos from the groom and Avril's mother. :)

Her solemnization ceremony was in the evening, at Fort Canning. Wow, it was romantic. Very nice. And as usual, the couple were glowing together. They looked so good together. Ahh...they love each other. So sweet...


I turned up in a cheongsam. The same one I wore for Racial Harmony Day. Lucky thing, my colleague was nice enough to lend it to me. It was nice meeting Hairun and Guowei after a long time. I had a good time yesterday and I'm so happy for Avril.

*More pictures in Flickr

But the shitty thing was-everyone at my table had brought along their partners except for me....shit...that depressed me.....Shit.....Argh.......

I'm still trying to get used to being single. I know I can adjust to it. My school is starting next week and I'm still preparing for it, mentally and physically.....I'm scared.....

:)

I've got my new PC at home, set up!!!!!!!!

Me so happy!!!!!!!!!!

:)

*Life isn't about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself*

I like what Leamathi gave me for my birthday..... A candle-holder with words that I really like. Guess she was trying to cheer me up. It did. :)

Ganesha also got me something. A nice magnet with nice words. I tried to take a pic of it but it was very blur. But it was something sweet too.

It was really very sweet of them. :)

My weekend was busy. Cleaned up my room and shifted the furniture around so that I could have some space for a study table. Went to IKEA on Saturday to get me a study table and a smaller computer table. Got them and fixed them with some help from Alvin.

My room does look a bit smaller now, not that it was any bigger before but it does look a bit cramped now. This is what happens when HDB keeps building smaller flats....sigh.....But what the heck, as long I have space to move around, I'm happy.

Went to Courts yesterday and bought a new computer. Its coming in this Thursday. I've been bored to dead without a pc at home.....

I'm all set for school. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. Wish me luck people....Did I mention that Pei Ying managed to convince me to get this ultra-big bag for school which cost me 28 bucks....argh....Everytime I look at that bag, I wonder why I bought it but I like it coz its big.

I calculated my expenses for the past 3 months and I realised that I've spent too much money on alot of things, including those extra clothes and bags that I bought, which I shouldn't have......sigh......I'll just comfort myself saying that I'm spending some money on myself after a long long time.....this is just to make myself feel better since my life isn't very rosy now.....

I really got to stop buying things....the hole in my pocket is getting bigger....sigh...