I'm Free!

Thank you all for wishing me on my birthday!

You guys need not worry about me anymore. I've made a decision yesterday that I'm not gonna fret about what happened. I'm single and I've come to accept it. Life has to go on and I know I can get over this. Just need to put my mind to other things :)

My 24th birthday was nice. Very simple. A nice temple visit in the morning, lots of cartoons in the afternoon and a nice seafood dinner at night with my mum, my uncle and his cute son...I love that fellow. He kept hugging me and 'sayanging' me....I simply love him. And my uncle bought me a Spiderman cake. I like it....So small and cute....hehe.....It was tasty and yes, it was chocolate :)




Once again guys, thanks! Thanks for your love! Love u all! :) I'm gonna be the same old Kethrine :)

...............

I'll be turning 24 in about...say......another 6 hours or so.........

Sigh...........

I'm single.....definitely single.........He's not coming back.........he's definitely not coming back.........

Its so difficult to sink in..........

I'm lost........

I don't know what to do............

Why........

Simply Pathetic....

I cried in the train on my way to work today. Shit, tat was so embarassing.....Lucky thing I was at the last cabin and there wasn't much people around since it was in the afternoon......Shit....

I just couldn't control my tears thinking about things and I thought getting myself a new MP3 player would make me feel better.....how wrong....Argh

My life hasn't been a smooth ride. I had a big share of bumps and crashes here and there....and my love life is pathetic.....simply pathetic....

My real love was with me for a month or so...Ok maybe not my real love but my first real boyfriend. First guy to bring me out and spend money on me which I tot was nice. And he was 5 years older than me and he seemed so matured, nice and u know.....Then about a month and a half later, he told me that his ex-girlfriend wanted to patch back and he left me.....I was suicidal.....really very very bad.....Sigh.....I just cldn't get over it till I meant Osman-my other real love that destroyed my life.....

Osman-I think our relationship lasted 5 years because of his persistance. He believed that our parents would eventually agree to our relationship: He being Indian Muslim and me being Indian. I had asked for a break up a million times and he refused every time. But I was still trying to end everything till the 4th year. Entering the 5th year, I tot that this was it and I'm fated to be with him and since he was so persistance, then I'll change my mind and see what we can do to convince our parents to agree to our relationship.

Then came an opportunity. A real good one. I wasn't prepared but I decided that I'm gonna just go ahead and let my parents know, no matter what happens. But when I told him that news, he was shocked. "This is too fast."he said. I was like "Huh, isn't this what u wanted? Now we have a solid reason to get married, why don't we just let our parents' know?" He wasn't very sure.

I remember that day very clearly. I was sitting in the hall with my parents. I msged him, "I'm gonna tell my parents now." His reply:"Fine, go ahead but you have to face the consequences." I was like 'WTF!". I wanted to hear this: "Ok, go ahead. I'm gonna be with you whatever happens and we'll face it together." I msged him that same thing again and i got the same reply again.

That was it. He cheated me. He wanted to marry me but when he had the opportunity he didn't use it. Fucker!! He cheated me!! The next day, I took matters into my own hands and soon everything was over within 2 months. But he couldn't accept that truth that I was leaving. He still hung around me. Till he saw me and Kumar together under my block.

Kumar-I was cheated a second time round. I thought this was it. I thought I was gonna end up with guy, no matter what small flaws he has. He's perfect for me and I want him around my arms till the day I die. I fell head over heels in love with him and am now trying my best to repair my broken heart.....This is just so difficult.....And I still can't believe this is happening to me....My mistake was loving him too much.....Shit......

2 men I trusted with my whole heart cheated me........One had moved on and the other will too.....but will I?

Got cheated twice, got my heart broken twice...do I want it to happen a third time??

Loneliness is torture....

New York nagaram urangum neram thanimai adarthathe.......thanimai thanimaiye, kodumai kodumaiye.....

Its not Variamuthu's lyrics, its not A R Rehman's music, its not the way the song is picturised and its not Surya's acting......

Its A R Rehman's voice that makes this song purely magic.......He's the man....

10 more days to my 24th birthday. My first birthday as a singleton after a long time....no special gift to look forward, no flowers......

How do u forget someone that was a part of you? How do u forget a relationship you believed in so much? How do u forget everything that happened for the past 2.5 years? Where do u bury these memories?

Every night, I think about him and us. Its like a movie that keeps repeating. The same vision every single night. The day we met, our conversations that started everything, our first date, the day he asked me to his special one, the first place we went to as a couple, our first dance, the say he stood up for me, the times we spent together, the places we went to, the words we said we said to each other, our fights, our make-ups, our first house, our first 'baby'......My first real life.....

2.5 years of dreams just turned into a nightmare......

He broke my heart into a million pieces.....I have to find them and piece everything together.

Oh boy, where do I start looking?

Muttons in the morning...I love them!!!

Training day at Changi Beach yesterday was a killer. Super shagged.....still feeling tired.....But I had fun, lots of it :)

I got a ride to work this morning....From Justin Ang of The Muttons in the Morning from 987!!! Hehehehehehe!!!! I sent an sms yesterday morning and I received a call from them telling me that they will be riding me to work this morning!!! Cool rite....hehe....

The ride to work this morning was cool! Justin Ang was very friendly and it was fun talking to him. He buy me MacDonald breakfast!!! Yum Yum!! :)

Me so happy this morning :):)

Its so difficult to sink in.....

Sometimes I wonder why I am being so stupid......so stupid to believe that things would still work out when its clearly written right into of me that things are not going work out......

I wish I could change my mind and be normal with a snap of a finger but I can't.......It doesn't work that way. I still have to go through the process of sleepless nights filled with tears, sudden flow of tears on the train, that sick feeling of depression and the reality that this is happening to me....sigh.....Interestingly, I'm not suicidal.....funny....

Maybe deep down inside, I'm still believing that things are going to be alrite.....How stupid can I be.....but I still can't throw away that feeling......

I thought things would work out well when Kumar agreed to give another shot at things on Thursday. I was maybe this is a chance to prove to him that its just going to be me and him and my family is not going to a problem.....

But......when things are over, things are really over.....We didn't get a chance to meet, maybe he was just trying to avoid meeting me. Finally I waited for him outside his place with a cake coz it was Kenny's birthday yesterday. He came....I went in....He went to take a shower and that's when I saw it.....

He removed my picture and a picture of us from his mirror and the cross-stitch of a couple, which I did for him, with our names on it was not on the TV.....

I couldn't stay anymore...I had to leave. I waited for him to come out of this bath...I told him I'm leaving and I left....

He moved on...I have to move on.....

He called me to ask why I left and I told him. He said the same things again....."If your family change, then things would work out"....My family is not going for me or are they interested in my life, so its not going to work. I told him that I would not disturb him anymore and I hung up....

I received an sms from him this morning:

"Im very sorry. I know tat I hurt u alot..I cannot find a way to make u hate me..Just think im a bastard..I got no choice..I cannot repay u for wat u have done in my life..I can only remove the photos..But ur thought is always in my mind.."

The reply that I will never send:

"You had a choice and you chose to leave me....for something that is never my fault....You'll never know how much you meant to me, how much I loved you and how much u've hurt me...."

I still wish that he would call, apologise and say that he'll never leave me forever......

How stupid am I......

Inky Pinky Ponky

I watched 'The Devil Wears Prada' yesterday. I really don't know what the hype was about but it was just another 'feel-good' movie but with a good choice of wardrobe which I kinda liked. But I can never work under a boss like that, not even for a day.......bitch.....

And how sad it maybe but we really are judged by what we wear and how we project ourselves. This happens everywhere.....How sad....

Avril had asked me to be her 'Jiemei' for her wedding...haha...Indian 'jiemei' at a Chinese wedding......cute hor....hehehe....and now I'm the emcee also......a bit wierd but she want....so anything for her......I was ok with it until she dropped the bombshell......

I had to wear something pink......PINK!!! I was like "WTF!" I don't wear pink! Pink is not even a colour to be considered to be part of my wardrobe........but I had to do it....for her......And so I met up wit her and Minie and another 2 jiemeis to get something pink.I bought my first pink top in I-don't-know how many years. I can't even remember my last pink outfit......but anyho I like it! It does look nice on me but that does not mean I'm going to invest in more pink tops, just one or two. Tat's it.

We 3 bitches had lunch at Cedele at Wheelock Place. The pasta I took was hot...really hot....Avril was like, "You r an Indian and you can't take hot!" I'm a wierdo! :) Then we shopped for my pink top. Avril and Minie just shoved into the changing room and just gave me stuff to try out. Reminded me about the time Peiying and I bought our boss Serene for shopping. I'll blog about this another time.



5 of us trying to squeeze into picture!


We then headed to Far East Plaza.I bought undies! Hehe...I'm like collecting cute undies....Anybody know where else they sell cute cute ones....hehehe...I'm gonna use all my old undies till the end of the year and then wear new undies from next year onwards...hehehe....

The other one of the jiemei, Ah Hui also had to get something pink so we were walking and walking around and I got tired...hehehe....shopping always make me tired....While she was trying on clothes at a shop, we got bored and were taking wierd shots of each other. She got the halter neck dress which looked nice on her. I'm kinda getting excited thinking about Avril's wedding. Haha, me first time being a jiemei. I don't know how to be jiemei...hehehe.....

Kissy Kissy...


*Pictures Courtesy of Avril, Thank you darling :)

Single once more

Singlehood was one word I thought I would never think about...... And now when I think about being single again....it hurts.....

Everything I wanted, everything I dreamed about, everything I planned disappeared just like that.....But as stupid as I can be, a part of me is still telling me that he will come back, call me and apologise and everything will go back to normal....I know....Stupid wishful thinking.......My mind is clearly aware about this but my heart's not listening....

I know its going to be difficult. I'm gonna take a long time to recover...a really long long time.....

I really can't believe all these is happening. All the things I've done for him....I've done a lot. I know that. I've done more things for him than for my family. My stupid mistake was loving him soo much. I was stupid rite....for believing, for trusting, for dreaming, for wanting, for planning.....

I had this really nice heart to heart conversation with my dad the other day. I really love him for that.....

This is going to be my last depressing post. I'm not going to talk about this anymore.....